three weeks

looks kinda like my main character charlie.

looks kinda like my main character charlie.

here we are. the home stretch, sort of.

three weeks into nanowrimo. it has been even tougher to make time than i imagined it would be. part of that stems from deciding to do it only a week or so before november, which means i had already committed to many, many things - and part of that is simply time and the general lack thereof.  

have i written every minute i possibly could've this month? no. there were nights i watched three episodes of the comeback instead of one, and by the time i started writing i was too exhausted to do much at all. there were nights i was too damn depressed to do anything except mindlessly click around the interwebs. there were times i needed to write double the amount of words because i'd slacked off the night before and instead, i barely made a dent.

but i kept going.

and to tell you the truth - almost every night, i've thought to myself, i'm not going to do it tonight. i can't do it tonight. i just need a break. i'm not feeling creative. i don't know what scene comes next. i need to figure out this part of the outline first. i don't know this character well enough.

and you know what? that stuff is all valid.

but - still - i wrote.

and every time, i'd end up surprising myself.

that's been the strangest part. where, even if i think going into it that it's going to be terrible, that it's a waste of time, that i'm not going to get anything useful done...i surprise myself, somehow. and i guess i'd expect that to happen maybe once. get lucky once.

but it keeps happening. every time.

so even though i wish i was further ahead - even though i wish i had more time - even though the temptation to go back and rewrite is EATING AWAY AT ME - i'm pushing forward.

and i guess i've never really done that before.

i did nano a few years ago as i mentioned - but i knew that project was never going to be anything in its state at the time. i'm so proud of doing all that work on it and i still like the idea, and one day i hope to revisit it and make it much better, but at the time, it was more of a, let's just see if i can do this.

i've never really pushed that hard on a project i genuinely loved and wanted to see succeed.

of course i want to one day get this published. i want people to read it at its best. i want it to be a success.

but i'm becoming more and more comfortable with the idea that if that doesn't happen, i can do this again with another project i love. and another one. and another one. until it works.

this feels sort of like a fourth week post. but heck, i'm doing my best.

happy writing.

as a bonus, here is my favorite track on the new one direction album:

fifty-thousand words and eggs and spoons

re-did the website layout again. i am obsessed with tweaking it. should have yellowstone pics up soon.

i changed the template because i wanted a place to put my thoughts (aka a blog) if i should ever have any.

so here are some thoughts.

we are about halfway through nanowrimo. just like in 2010, i decided to participate roughly a week or so before it began. i have a novel i've been working on for a good long while now, but had very little of it actually written. in september/october i took a novel-writing class with the amazing amber benson (buffy, the calliope reaper-jones series). it was an awesome jumpstart and amazing and strange to have feedback and classmates and a deadline again. getting notes, talking things out with people, meeting other writers - great experience.

but after the class i was flailing a bit on writing again. i just couldn't make myself do it.

so in a moment of obvious brilliance, i decided nano would be the perfect ass-kicker.

and it has been.

it has also been difficult and annoying and stressful. but writing would be that anyway. so why not participate in something cool while you're at it?


i am on track to finish the 50k, mostly. i fall behind for a day, catch up for a day, rinse, lather, repeat.

i have reached the stage where my outline sort of looks at me and laughs, so i'm shooting in the dark a bit. i've started wanting to rewrite - i won't, but - i want to - so much - but the good thing is i am beginning to make plans for what needs to be fixed as soon as the month is over. changing things. patching holes. fixing leaks. and the like.

i do hope to finish this thing.

other novel ideas come and poke at me and dance gleefully with their shiny new characters and brave new worlds and fun magic stuff.

but i fend them off.

what else?

i was excited to find out gregory maguire had a new book out. well, probably not new. i just didn't know about it. i was obsessedobsessedobsessed with wicked during high school, tried to read the sequels, and unfortunately they didn't hold up to the original amazingness.

i read the cinderella retelling too.

but this new one is an awesome YA fantasy with russian girls and baba yaga and it's called egg and spoon which is an awesome title with awesome cover art and i am so excited. 



oh yeah, one more thing - i wrote a new poem called pumpkin soup. you can read it here. i meant to post it for halloween and then just never did. but it works for thanksgiving, too.

i think that's all for now. we'll see how this goes in the future.