here we are. the home stretch, sort of.
three weeks into nanowrimo. it has been even tougher to make time than i imagined it would be. part of that stems from deciding to do it only a week or so before november, which means i had already committed to many, many things - and part of that is simply time and the general lack thereof.
have i written every minute i possibly could've this month? no. there were nights i watched three episodes of the comeback instead of one, and by the time i started writing i was too exhausted to do much at all. there were nights i was too damn depressed to do anything except mindlessly click around the interwebs. there were times i needed to write double the amount of words because i'd slacked off the night before and instead, i barely made a dent.
but i kept going.
and to tell you the truth - almost every night, i've thought to myself, i'm not going to do it tonight. i can't do it tonight. i just need a break. i'm not feeling creative. i don't know what scene comes next. i need to figure out this part of the outline first. i don't know this character well enough.
and you know what? that stuff is all valid.
but - still - i wrote.
and every time, i'd end up surprising myself.
that's been the strangest part. where, even if i think going into it that it's going to be terrible, that it's a waste of time, that i'm not going to get anything useful done...i surprise myself, somehow. and i guess i'd expect that to happen maybe once. get lucky once.
but it keeps happening. every time.
so even though i wish i was further ahead - even though i wish i had more time - even though the temptation to go back and rewrite is EATING AWAY AT ME - i'm pushing forward.
and i guess i've never really done that before.
i did nano a few years ago as i mentioned - but i knew that project was never going to be anything in its state at the time. i'm so proud of doing all that work on it and i still like the idea, and one day i hope to revisit it and make it much better, but at the time, it was more of a, let's just see if i can do this.
i've never really pushed that hard on a project i genuinely loved and wanted to see succeed.
of course i want to one day get this published. i want people to read it at its best. i want it to be a success.
but i'm becoming more and more comfortable with the idea that if that doesn't happen, i can do this again with another project i love. and another one. and another one. until it works.
this feels sort of like a fourth week post. but heck, i'm doing my best.
as a bonus, here is my favorite track on the new one direction album: